So every year I make a set of Christmas carols based on whatever fandom I’m into at the time. This year I’m not on LJ for the holidays, and I couldn’t decide what fandom to use. So I used fandom itself, since I’ve sort of been meta-ing fandom from this distance.
The truth is, today I could be thinking about a difficult decision that my husband and I are trying to accept (no, I’m not pregnant, it involves whether to move to a condo we can barely afford but is absolutely gorgeous– we decided to play it safe and stay put for six more months, but still, it’s a little bit distressing to know we won’t be ever setting foot in that place again. Wonder if they’d be interested in dropping the rent by $400? hah!)
Anyway, never mind… I have leafed through the Fandom Carol Book and found the following gems:
- Slash the Halls
- Good Kink: Wincestness
- I Wrote Three Ships
- I saw Jack Harkness Kissing Santa Claus
- It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Canon
(And of course if you want to sing “Hetalia” instead of “Hallelujah” that should work out fine!)
But behind the cut is the Twelve Days of Xmas, that X of course is the X between the members of your favorite pairing…)
On the first day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
A pairing that makes me go “squeee!”
On the second day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Two sexy siblings
(innuendo that most people flee).
On the third day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Threesome kinks
(dubcon OK)
and I think I know my OT3.
On the fourth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Four BNFs
Lots of wank
Comment whores galore
And some concrit that I take badly.
On the fifth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
HET THAT I LIKE?!!?
What’s the point of that?
It’s not slash!
Double-ewe-tee-eff?
There’s enough het in reality!
On the sixth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Six fandom!secrets
FIVE ARE TWILIGHT!?
Three liked the movie
One did not
And the other one
Likes its vampires extra-sparkly.
On the seventh day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Seven AU fics
“Heroes” in high school
IT’S “LOST” IN SPACE!
Pirates and ninjas
Ancient Rome
Cowboys in the West
And just one set in 1903.
On the eighth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Eight RP players
Two of whom I ship
(although they’re both girls)
OH EMM GEE WANK!
“I don’t like the way
She RPs”
“GTFO now”
And so much for that bloody RP.
On the ninth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Nine months of M-Preg
What will their names be?
What will they look like?
(What? Does that mean that..
THEY’RE HAVING TWINS?)
God, that’s gotta hurt
:clutches butt:
Still, don’t you adore
WAFFy and slashy fathers-to-be?
On the tenth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Ten retconned plot points
(Too many writers?
Too many seasons?
Timelines that look like
they’re giant pretzels.)
THAT MAKES NO SENSE!
Did they just forget
that she said
something else before?
Oh, God, bring back continuity!
On the eleventh day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me
Eleven kink memes:
* How about twincest?
* Give me Hurt/Comfort
* I like an orgy
* Dubcon or noncon
* RPF squicks me
PR0N FOR THE WIN!
* Buttplugs are teh sex
* Eww, that’s gross
* How about some WAFF?
And it’s written anonymously.
(take a deep breath now, everyone together:)
On the twelfth day of Xmas
My fandom gave to me:
12 awful songfics
11 angsty darkfics
10 beta readers
9-part crossovers
8 Mary Sues
7 fanon traits
6 epic wanks
TL;DR!
4 meta posts
(NOT WORK-SAFE)
Two drabble prompts
And a crackfic for my OTP!
Filed under: warning: crude sexual humor, warning: discussion of writing erotica
